Weird is Wonderful

Indiana Jones 4

2007-06-25T07:27:00.000-07:00

new blogger

2007-05-05T08:47:00.000-07:00

i was gonna continue and restart my blog, but this new blogger malarkey is annoying

Watch this space !

2007-01-31T05:20:00.000-08:00

Just to inform my fan, that i will be back shortly when my home internet is fixed.

Thanks

Michael

t'other day

2006-11-26T14:22:00.000-08:00

The other day i met a man with a huge head, but then the guy told me to stop looking at him through binoculours. Then the man started discussing the theory of the silent belche, he went into detail explaning that if you belch but you have your mouth closed, is it a real belch? I then tried to test out his theory but when i attempted to belch i was sick on his shoes, But he didn't mind as he said his dog would lick his shoes and enjoy the vomit for supper.

I laughed and then shook his hand, then his arm fell off. The man told me it was a fake arm as it is impossible for humans to grow metal hooks. I was dissapointed after hearing this as i was looking forward to the day i grew my very own hook. The man said he lost his real arm in amsterdam. He was in a cafe smoking a blunt when he foolishly offered his right arm a toke even though he knew it wouldn't be able to handle it. The right arm got so high it cut itself from his body and went to a brothel. The man said he was now very happy that he didn't offer a toke to his penis. The hand is now hiding in vietnam after allegations of child rape in the media.

I told him that he has led a very interesting life, the man smiled at this compliment and shook my hand. Then my arm fell off. He asked me about why i had a fake arm, and i replied 'cos i'm looking in a mirror'. A magical frog then hopped in front of me, and said 'how are you doing' i told it that i was ok. i kissed the frog and it turned into a beautiful princess, but i am very much attracted to frogs so i wasn't interested in the princess at all.

I then walked to a bus stop and caught the bus in my hand, as a friend of mine had thrown it to me from across the way. I got bored of what i was doing so i flew to the moon and went to bed. That night i had a crazy dream that i had a 9-5 job and lived in a house with my parents, and i couldn't fly and talking frogs aren't real. Thank God that's not the case

2006-11-02T16:13:00.000-08:00

This happened a few months ago,

There had been a delivery of monitors that lunchtime which I had stored in theelevator to transport them to the 4th floor. I went up in the lift with 20monitors all stacked around me; there was only 3ft by 3ft of space for me tostand in. When I arrived on the 4th floor an attractive girl was stood waitingto ride the lift to the ground floor. I won't name who the girl was as it isn'tnecessary to the story. So anyway, her name was Jane and she asked if I would be so kind to let her come down in the lift and then he would send it back tothe 4th. I was going to let her take the lift to the Ground floor and then send it back up to the 4th, but then I started thinking what if someone steals a monitor or two. So I decided not to leave the monitors unsupervised so I jumpedin the 3ft by 3ft space available with Jane.

Our bodies were touching; we were so close together it was like a plotline froma porno coming true. I could feel her breath on my face as she stood looking upat me; I looked her in the eyes and smiled. She then opened her mouth and beganto speak "are you going to press the button for the ground floor or what". I had forgot to press the button which was a bit embarrassing, and to make it worse I reached over and pushed the wrong button as the monitors were obstructing my view of the control panel. I had accidentally pushed the alarm button; this was rectified when I pressed the correct button.

I began to feel confident about our relationship, as we had been together in thelift for close to 45 seconds, after a sly elbow tit on her I moved my head in for the kiss. All I received was a hand in my face, which will do as her handsmelt lovely. The elevator doors opened as if by magic, and they might have done as Jane has a nose like a witch. She then said 'sorry I'm not interested,no hard feelings?' and walked out of the lift. I stood there watching herleave, as I often do, when the elevator closed and trapped my hard feeling inthe doors.

Good News

2006-10-10T08:25:00.000-07:00

North Korea have detonated a nuclear bomb, and all the other countries in the world aren't too pleased.

So lets hope there is a second Korean War, and then they can make a sequel to MASH. They could even bring back hawkeye and trapper for cameo's. Elliot Gould and Donald Sutherland will be loving it, and so will I. It would be beauty.

Screech is doing it, literally. I love the dirty bastard !!!

2006-09-29T01:50:00.000-07:00

Check out this report, i'll be purchasing this video.

Former Saved by The Bell star Dustin Diamond features in a 40 minute home video romping with two women, according to reports.But rather than seek a ban, the sex tape could be welcomed by cash-strapped Diamond, who will be aware of the effect such a video had on the career of Paris Hilton and Tommy Lee.

Diamond's agent Roger Paul apparently told the New York Daily News: "I haven't seen the tape. I've heard rumours. Dustin has been trying to escape the 'Screech' typecast. So this may help me get more bookings."29-year-old Diamond, who played Samuel 'Screech' Powers in the hit teen show, has suffered well-reported financial difficulties in recent years and has been fighting to save his home from reposession by selling autographed t-shirts online. He has recently been plying his trade as a stand-up comic.

The New York Daily News has reported that agent David Hans Schmidt has snapped the rights and is currently seeking a distributor for Saved By The Smell - the sex tape's working title.Schmidt told the 'paper: "Just when you think you have seen everything in this business, mankind has raised the bar another notch. Or lowered it."

2006-09-17T07:23:00.000-07:00

I did the superhero test that Liam did. I am Superman. You are mild-mannered, good, strong and you love to help others.

Superman 75%

Spider-Man 75%

Robin 75%

The Flash 60%

Catwoman 55%

Supergirl 50%

Wonder Woman 45%

Iron Man 45%

Hulk 35%

Batman 25%

Green Lantern 15%

Food i'd like to eat this second

2006-09-13T08:02:00.000-07:00

Chicken fried rice, Ainsleys sausage rolls and Yorkshire puddings

Neighbours

2006-09-01T04:33:00.000-07:00

I'm enjoying the classic evil twin storyline in neighbours, it's a shame he killed Connor, the IRA bloke from 'The House of Trouser'.

Legendary Writing, keep up the good work.

May i suggest Harold raping Sky Mangel. That would be a great twist. I'm sure Lou would join in too, and no one would believe that Harold and Lou are Rape buddies. It's a perfect crime.

INJURY

2006-09-01T04:13:00.000-07:00

I picked up a nasty football injury on wednesday.

OK, It's not a picture from the actual incident, but it is a realistic reconstruction

It's Arrested Development

2006-09-01T04:10:00.000-07:00

This is the best show from the last 4 years, along with 'The Larry David show'. I highly recommend buying all 3 series. It's scrubs on speed.

OH Well

2006-09-01T04:08:00.000-07:00

The result of the 'shall i shave my head poll' was very close 5-1 in favour that i shave my head. As the result was so close i have decided just to get my hair trimmed.

shaving of the head

2006-08-22T09:25:00.000-07:00

I'm contemplating shaving my head. But i am unsure, so i will put it to a vote. Please vote on the right side of the screen.

Your opinion means a lot.

Chucklevision series 19 has gone into production

2006-08-22T09:12:00.000-07:00

Paul and Barry's comedy antics are back, only two words can describe my reaction to the news

FUCKING AWESOME !!!!

I remember i was shopping in PC world last year with a friend, and i purchased a computer desk. We were carrying it across the shop towards the till and we then rested it on a trolley. The fit bird behind the till was watching us and said 'it's like watching the chuckle brothers'. That is one of my proudest moments in my life, and i'm sure it was also one of my friends proudest moments.

2006-08-22T09:06:00.000-07:00

Jerry's Corner !!!

2006-08-22T08:49:00.000-07:00

Whats the deal with growing older? You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, "See if you can blow this out. What's the deal with that?"

What's the deal with buildings? Why do they call it a "building"? It looks like they're finished. Why isn't it a "built"?

Enjoy this comedic genius

2006-08-22T08:47:00.000-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N9rK_h2KZoY

Check it out

2006-08-13T14:53:00.000-07:00

Unfortunately we weren't there at the same time

Part 3 - Hello again Hello

2006-08-11T03:42:00.000-07:00

After spending seven years travelling through time raping birds, i decided enough was enough, so i travelled back to Germany to save marco before he got shot.

I decided to go back to the day when Marco bought the time machine, and i stole it from the seller earlier that day. As soon as i had done this i was transported back to the year 2006 and Marco was with me. I had saved the day.

We then got back to England and Marco was deported back to Mexico for sexually assaulting cats from my neighbourhood. I said goodbye and sat in my room and thought about the events that had occured. I smiled to myself and got a strange feeling in my body. Was this feeling about the love i felt towards my cousin or because the journey was over and all what remained was memories. But then i realised what the feeling was... I needed a crap.

Part 2 - An unpredictable end

2006-08-11T02:59:00.000-07:00

So we were in Nazi Germany chilling out with a time machine. Marco then got shot in the head by a Nazi, but i got the blame. I was arrested and taken to a POW camp.

It started getting boring in the POW camp as there are only so many times in one day a man can wank (My record was 17, but it got sore and needed resting for 3 days after). While i was hobbling around holding my crotchal region i overheard some dudes talking about digging tunnels. So i joined them and escaped through a tunnel. In Germany i twatted a German on the head and stole his bike.

I then retrieved the time machine and went to the year 1979 so i could watch caddyshack being filmed. I also did many other things that i have always wanted to do, like perform bummings with Brittany Murphy in 1996.

I also went to France 1983 where i saw a 6 year old black male playing with a football. It was young Thierry Henry, i went up to him and gave him a rugby ball and tried to get him interested in the sport.

I then remembered about Marco, who had got shot in the head. But i couldn't be bothered saving him. Instead i visited the set of saved by the bell in 1991 and knobbed Kelly Kapowski behind Zach Morris's back.

I was so happy i was high fiving every one i met.

Mike and Marco - He aint Heavy, he's my Mexican relative - part 1

2006-07-17T08:54:00.000-07:00

I'm finally back, its a 'long' story....that's why i decided to tell the story in 3 parts. Then i can sell the story to Peter Jackson and he can remake it.

Me and Marco decided to go see Mexico play in the World Cup in Germany. All was going well as we managed to get tickets for the first Mexico game against Iran. Mexico won the game 3-1 and Marco went mental.

That night in the hotel, Marco was walking around with his penis out of his zipper. I asked him why he was doing this and he told me it was tradition in Mexico to air there penis to show there country's pride. I had to tell him that his country wouldn't be proud of his cock.

The next week we were chilling and enjoying the atmosphere of the World Cup. Mexico drew to the Angolan team which featured rui marquez from Leeds United, but unfortunately we were unable to get tickets for this game as Marco had lost all our money on a cock fight the night before. When i say cock fight i just want you to know that there are no birds involved. Marco said he lost our money as he had less mexican pride than the previous night. I had to agree with him.

It was now the morning of the 21st June and we needed to raise some cash so we could see Mexico VS Portugal game. We tried all sorts to raise the extra cash, but we were finding it hard to succeed. Luckily enough one of the stewards at the football ground attended the Cock fight from the previous night, and he owed Marco a favour, as he had lent the steward some tobasco sauce to make his cock harder. So the steward smuggled us into the stadium.

Mexico lost to Portugal 2-1. Marco was gutted that Mexico lost, but they were still through to the next round. Marco then ran on the pitch at the final whistle to congratulate the players.

A Female Mexican fan was so impressed by Marco's celebration streak that she asked him to marry her. They were married that evening by a Mariachi named Luca.

So off we were going to the Zentralstadion where Mexico would play Argentina. We had to watch this game on a big screen outside the stadium, and everyone went beserk when Mexico took the lead after only 6 minutes.

Unfortunately Mexico lost the game after extra time, so the mexicans kidnapped Hernan Crespo and Maxi Rodriguez the two Argentinian goalscorers. But as Mexicans are nice people, they gave them back 5 minutes later. None of the Argentinians even noticed they had gone. Marco somehow lost his wife in the crowd and couldn't be bothered looking for her, so we decided to move on.

Now the World Cup was over, Marco and I decided to walk back to England as we fancied giving our legs a stretch. In Dusseldorf near the German/Dutch border (i know my geography), Marco bought a time machine. He held my hand and pressed the button without reading the instructions. Suddenly we were in a different time.

To Be Continued........

Michael 3 - Marco 0

2006-05-24T08:00:00.000-07:00

I'm three up now. Marco bought a new car the other day, i have no idea where he got the money from. He also found himself a young beauty to drive with. As you can see he was very happy.

He was going out on a hot date, so i decided to play another prank. I cut his brake cables, and i followed him on his date with laura.

At about 8pm last night it happened, i was loving it, i couldn't have hoped for it to go better than it did.

Unfortunately Laura died in the explosion, but it was worth it to see Marco's face, it was priceless.

Marco ran up to me and said 'Usted jodiendo a idiota. Laura está muerto, vi su golpe de cabeza arriba. violaré su gato arriba el hoyo malo para esto.'

I think he found it as hilarious as me.

Michael 2 - Marco 0

2006-05-22T08:55:00.000-07:00

I got him again, he fell asleep and was mumbling 'el sexo con un gato' in his sleep. I did the old 'finger in water trick' while sleeping, and he pissed himself.

So it was another success. Marco's reaction to the event was 'Usted me engañó otra vez. Haré el sexo su gato 10 veces. y violaré su gerbo'

Michael 1 - Marco - 0

2006-05-21T03:08:00.000-07:00

It was very rainy this morning and Marco decided to shit indoors for once, but he didn't lock the door. After the initial shock of me taking the picture, he found the situation quite humourous.

After the incident, Marco said 'usted sirve de madre al fucker, conseguiré la risa pasada después de que viole su gato'

Marco Thompsonio

2006-05-20T07:38:00.000-07:00

My Mexican cousin has arrived in England today, and has begun to adjust to life over here for his two week holiday. His name is Marco Thompsonio and he is a Mariachi, matador, and part time serial rapist.

He is a big Juventus fan and thought that we'd be able to go and watch them play, but i had to explain to him that Juventus don't play in England.

He is hilarious, when he first saw my cat he pulled a full matador outfit from his bag and tried to play with it. But the cat scratched him in the eyeball, but it was all ok as it was his glass eye. He had a glass eye as he lost the other when his ex wife shot him in the eye four years ago.

Another strange thing he does, is shit behind the shed in our garden. He persuaded me to join him for a morning dump this morning, and i must say the cool breeze blowing between my crusty buttocks was quite thrilling.

I'm sure we'll be having a fun week, i've heard he's a bit of a prankster, but so am I.

GENIUS of the week

2006-05-20T04:17:00.000-07:00

Karl Kennedy

C'mon Leeds !!!!

2006-05-20T04:15:00.000-07:00

You can do it !!!!

I found this awesome picture

2006-05-19T04:13:00.000-07:00

I just wanted to share this with everyone

Heather Mills

2006-05-19T03:17:00.000-07:00

Heather Mills now has enough money to live out her dream.

She has bought a leg made of gold. Awesome!

Neighbours

2006-05-13T05:22:00.000-07:00

I haven't done a Neighbours post for a while, and i'll tell you why. Cos it has been shit since Joe Mangel went out of it.

There are too many people living in Ramsay Street who i just dont care about.

I'd like all the Timmin's to leave, except Stingray as he is about to become a paedophile.

Steph scully has stopped seeing Drew in her dreams, so i hope she dies of her cancer.

Susan is too skinny, Dr Karl should get her to eat.

Katya's face scares me, and she is also the worst actress i have ever seen.

Harold has finally gone back to normal after trying to kill Paul

Paul went mental for a while, and he was polishing his shoe for an entire episode the other week.

Izzy needs to whip her tits out

Lou needs to be in it more, he needs to do a crazy money making scheme.

The house of trouser rules, i still love toady and Connor and occasionly Stu

GENIUS of the week

2006-05-12T02:23:00.000-07:00

Larry David

You are a Genius !!!

GENIUS of the Week !!

2006-05-05T16:27:00.000-07:00

Eddie Lewis
Legend

Woodgate's Trainers - The truth

2006-05-05T16:16:00.000-07:00

Jonny Woodgate has come back to leeds for treatment for his injury, and he said in the matchday programme that on his first day back Gary Kelly ripped his trainers.

I spoke to Gary Kelly and asked him if this was true. He has given me a statement to read so everyone knows the truth.

Gary Kelly's statement

'No'

Disappointment this afternoon

2006-05-05T06:33:00.000-07:00

I haven't been at work much this week, and have got into a routine of watching 'Two guys, a girl and a pizza place' at the same time every day on Trouble.

But today it wasn't on.

Damn them.

They were the funny early episodes with Bill and Mr Bauer in them.

Oh well, i'll have to print out those pictures of Topanga and go up to my room for a bit.

Topanga is 25 today!!!!

2006-05-05T03:51:00.000-07:00

Topanga from 'boy meets world' is 25 today. The stunning chunky actress hasn't done anything since the show ended, but her boobs are still big.

Respect to Topanga !!!!!!!!

2006-05-05T02:57:00.000-07:00

I've just realised rain man isn't on this list, its a disgrace

1.Godfather, The (1972)
2.Shawshank Redemption, The (1994)
3.Godfather: Part II, The (1974)
4.Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King, The (2003)
5.Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers, The (2002)
6.Schindler's List (1993)
7.Seven Samurai (1954)
8.Casablanca (1942)
9.Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring, The (2001)
10.Star Wars (1977)
11.Citizen Kane (1941)
12.One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest (1975)
13.Dr. Strangelove (1964)
14.Star Wars: Episode V - The Empire Strikes Back (1980)
15.Rear Window (1954)
16.Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981)
17.Pulp Fiction (1994)
18.Usual Suspects, The (1995)
19.Memento (2000)
20.North by Northwest (1959)
21.12 Angry Men (1957)
22.The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly (1966)
23.Lawrence of Arabia (1962)
24.Psycho (1960)
25.Amelie (2001)
26.Silence of the Lambs, The (1991)
27.It's a Wonderful Life (1946)
28.Goodfellas (1990)
29.American Beauty (1999)
30.Sunset Blvd. (1950)
31.Vertigo (1958)
32.Matrix, The (1999)
33.City of God (2002)
34.To Kill a Mockingbird (1962)
35.Once upon a Time in the West (1968)
36.Apocalypse Now (1979)
37.Pianist, The (2002)
38.Third Man, The (1949)
39.Paths of Glory (1957)
40.Taxi Driver (1976)
41.Fight Club (1999)
42.Spirited Away (2001)
43.Some Like It Hot (1959)
44.Double Indemnity (1944)
45.Boot, Das (1981)
46.Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004)
47.Singin' in the Rain (1952)
48.Chinatown (1974)
49.L.A. Confidential (1997)
50.Maltese Falcon, The (1941)
51.Requiem for a Dream (2000)
52.All About Eve (1950)
53.M (1931)
54.Bridge on the River Kwai, The (1957)
55.Se7en (1995)
56.Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975)
57.Saving Private Ryan (1998)
58.Rashomon (1950)
59.Raging Bull (1980)
60.Wizard of Oz, The (1939)
61.Alien (1979)
62.American History X (1998)
63.Sting, The (1973)
64.Leon (1994)
65.Mr. Smith Goes to Washington (1939)
66.Manchurian Candidate, The (1962)
67.Vita Ã¨ bella, La (1997)
68.Touch of Evil (1958)
69.Treasure of the Sierra Madre, The (1948)
70.Finding Nemo (2003)
71.2001: A Space Odyssey (1968)
72.Reservoir Dogs (1992)
73.Great Escape, The (1963)
74.Modern Times (1936)
75.Clockwork Orange, A (1971)
76.Amadeus (1984)
77.On the Waterfront (1954)
78.Ran (1985)
79.Kill Bill: Vol. 1 (2003)
80.Annie Hall (1977)
81.Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon (2000)
82.Jaws (1975)
83.Apartment, The (1960)
84.Braveheart (1995)
85.High Noon (1952)
86.Aliens (1986)
87.Fargo (1996)
88.Strangers on a Train (1951)
89.Shining, The (1980)
90.Metropolis (1927)
91.Blade Runner (1982)
92.Sixth Sense, The (1999)
93.City Lights (1931)
94.Donnie Darko (2001)
95.Duck Soup (1933)
96.Great Dictator, The (1940)
97.General, The (1927)
98.The Seventh Seal (1957)
99.Princess Bride, The (1987)
100.Dogville (2003)

Faster kill pussycat

2006-05-05T02:52:00.000-07:00

I'm sure everyone has heard the Brittany Murphy song which is being played on the radio none stop.

It's class, its the first dance song i've liked since boom shake the room back in the early nineties.

Woman is pregnant at 63 !!!

2006-05-04T11:18:00.000-07:00

Who fucking gives a shit. Not me for one.

I can't believe that they were talking about this for about ten minutes on the news this tea time.

David Sampsons mum was 74 when she gave birth to him, and she is still alive.

Thats why i try not to watch the news, unless reatards are appearing on it.

I prefer to go upstairs and have a wank, it's much more fun!!

Jimmy's Book

2006-05-04T09:23:00.000-07:00

Purchase Jimmy's book, its hilarious. He talks about masturbating, stealing, prison, standing in dog poo, and watching people committ suicide.

He still chills with his best mates Robert Molennar and Bruno Robiero

Bruno Ribeiro

Robert Molenaar

Jimmy Floyd Masturbator

Rodney Wallace - The Legend

Peter (i'm a shit head) Ridsdale

Who would you prefer to Bum??

2006-05-04T08:40:00.000-07:00

Brittany Murphy 1999 or Sarah Michelle Gellar 2006?

Complete the new poll and then i'll examine the results and create line graphs and percentages

Below are pictures from the years specifeied for each actress.

Sarah Michelle Gellar

Brittany Murphy!!!!!!!!!!

Tony and Carlton

2006-05-04T08:20:00.000-07:00

Tony Yeboah and Carlton Palmer are two ex Leeds United players. I like this picture of them chilling together.

Tony drew the short straw and had to share rooms with Carlton. Tony wanted to share rooms with Rod Wallace so they could practice volleys on the balcony past curfew.

2006-05-04T07:11:00.000-07:00

I can't believe how shit those films are in the top 100. Below are the ones i approve of:

- shawshank - he crawled through shit
- Cuckoo's nest - cos i love the retards
- its a wonderful life - i love the james stewart
- Taxi Driver - I love mohicans
- Monty Python - palin is god
- Mr Smith goes to Washington - another awesome Jimmy Stewart film (was originally intended to be a sequel to Mr Deeds goes to town)
- The Apartment - ok film, (Loser was a loose remake)
- Duck Soup - Mad mad comedy genious

Classic films which were not included in the list:

Dumb and Dumber - Eddie Lewis's favourite film
Uptown Girls - A brittany murphy classic
Good Burger - i'm a dude hes a dude shes a dude we're all dudes yeh!!!
Cruel Intentions - It gave me a boner, and still does
Dude wheres my car - It got abused so badly when it came out at the cinemas, and now all film critics call it a modern day bill and ted
Happy Gilmore - A guy plays golf and flips out
Zach and Reba - which Alex borrowed from me 6 months ago, and still hasn't given it back
Con Air - Alot of explosions
Die Hard - A lot of explosions
Liar Liar - Jim Carrey makes funny faces throughout
Mr Nanny - A Hulk Hogan classic which pisses all over the Godfather

Druggy cunts (sorry i dont like that word)

2006-04-20T07:38:00.000-07:00

A guy stops me in Leeds city centre and says 'excuse me', so i stop thinking he wants directions to somewhere.

But then i looked at his face and it was all pale and scabby, and his tooth was yellow and black.

He continued in his speech, 'Thanks matey for stopping, i appreciate it immensley. I'm very embarrest to ask but, You see it's her......'

the one toothed man points to a woman next to him. The woman is stick thin and fairly tall for a lady (slut), she has a few more teeth than the man even though a lot of them have decayed from all the semen shes had in her mouth over the years. Her face was also pasty and flaking, and some dried blood was underneath her left nostril (or was it the right nostril, i dont suppose it matters). She looked like she had a Rachel Gath personality (braindead personality).

'She's lost her day rider and needs 41p to get home'

I then said 'i only have enough change to pay for my parking, but there are some cash machines up there'

I pointed towards town and then started to walk away. The man then shouted 'Shes lost her purse though you cunt'

Surely if she'd have lost her purse he would have said that in the first place. After the whole situation i wanted to shout one of the following,

I bet your cock has rotted away after sticking it in her mouth
I hope you give each other aids
Do you kiss your mother with that cunt
I WONT GIVE YOU 41P, I'LL GIVE YOU £1.79 FOR SOME TOOTHPASTE
You are two sratty bastards
You are two scrubby bastards
you fucking scratters
you fucking scrubbers
'Stop looking at my arse, cos you cant snought this crack'
I'll kick your arse, but i'll get my foot stuck in there its so big and sticky
i'll knock you spark out (daniel kitson copyrighted phrase)
Go rape each other you fucking inbred crack whores scrounging for money i'd be happy to shit on

If i said any of those, they would probably have bummed me in an alley and given me aids. And i'm not the biggest fan of the aids.

Smallville is Awesome

2006-04-15T03:26:00.000-07:00

A poll

2006-04-14T07:22:00.000-07:00

I started a poll to see who you'd prefer to bum.

Brittany Murphy 2003

Sarah Michelle Gellar 1997

The poll is to the right side of the page under the links section.

Happy Birthday Sarah

2006-04-14T07:05:00.000-07:00

Sarah Michelle Gellar is 29 today. And although she doesn't look as fit as she was in the first season of buffy, she is still a very fit bird. Not as fit as Brittany though.

SMG in 97 was a treat, she was nice and chunky

R.I.P Proof

2006-04-14T06:53:00.000-07:00

Proof has been shot dead. It's 'boys in the hood' all over again.

Mongers

2006-04-06T04:00:00.000-07:00

Remember, where ever you live in the world, one thing brings everyone together and makes them happy. It's true what they say.....

MONGERS MAKE EVERYONE LAUGH !!!

If you look like this. Please get in contact with me . Thanks

2006-03-27T05:41:00.000-08:00

2006-03-06T09:29:00.000-08:00

The affleck and the clicker

2006-03-02T11:44:00.000-08:00

Have you seen the Crazy advert about who the affleck would bum.

He is walking about and whenever he sees a bird he would like to bum he clicks this clicker thingy. Then he gets in the lift at the end and he shows the guy next to him that the number on his clicker is about 700. So he would like to bum 700 people.

But.....

The delivery guy then shows affleck his clicker and it says something ridiculous like a gazillion. So the other guy has seen a gazillion people he would like to bum.

It's just mental. I think its an advert for a car or something.

It would have been funny if when the affleck and the other guy were in the lift, if the other guy clicked his thingy while looking at the affleck. And then the affleck kicked the shit out of the guy for being a shirtlifting arse raping mongoose.

Kenan and Kel

2006-02-25T11:04:00.000-08:00

Kenan and Kel is a classic tv sitcom, and it needs a comeback. I'd like to see a new series when they share a flat in new york. Kenans old boss Chris lives in the flat next door and constantly gets annoyed with them.

My favourite episode was when they were trying to catch a mouse in the grocery shop. I also liked the one when they were hanging out with the monkey.

In my opinion it was funnier than laurel and hardy, and i'd love to see these two doing what they do best on the stage for a reunion.

Killola

2006-02-25T11:02:00.000-08:00

a new band that are quite good

http://www.bakedgoodsprod.com/killola/Video.html

Sky Mangel

2006-02-21T06:29:00.000-08:00

Has big boobs

Drew Kirk has rose from the dead!!!!!!!!!!!

2006-02-21T06:20:00.000-08:00

Can you remember Drew Kirk from Neighbours? He was the very polite and nice country boy from Oakey. He was chasing after libby for two years before getting married to her. Then he had a baby. Then he fell off a horse and died.

WELL!!!!, in todays episode he was a ghost chatting to Steph Hoyland. I hope he is back to stay, it could be like Randall and Hopkirk deceased.

Bye Bye Joe Mangel

2006-02-21T06:11:00.000-08:00

Joe mangel has left Ramsay Street again. He proposed to Lynn Skully, but then Sky Mangel made him see sense and he left.

2006-01-30T07:46:00.000-08:00

You might be wandering where i've been, well i've been growing this beauty moustache.

Plane crash in neighbours

2006-01-20T10:51:00.000-08:00

The Neighbours have been involved in a plane crash recently, and some people are feared dead. As you can see in the picture, an English tourist, named Rodney Wallace, who was on the plane when it went down wasn't hurt at all. He told the Aussie newspapers how he escaped.

"I was on holiday with my mate Tony (Yeboah), and i thought i'd go to erinsborough to have a threesome with Elle Robinson and Izzy Hoyland. So i got a ticket for this plane trip and before i got a chance to talk to Izzy and Elle the plane ran out of fuel and we crashed into the water. I was in the water with Paul Robinson and he wasn't going to last very long as he only has one leg. Then i had a great idea! I took Paul Robinsons leg off and used it as a float and swam to shore. When i was on the shore i saw elle and Izzy lying face down on the sand, they weren't moving So i bummed them both."

Rumours has it, that at the time of the crash, Rodney Wallace was heading balls down for Yeboah to volley. Then Rodney bet Yeboah 1o pounds that he couldn't hit the pilot on the head from the back of the plane. Yeboah rose to the challenge and volleyed a perfect ball and the pilots head fell off with the force of the ball. Then the plane crashed.

Hooray for the Iraqi Shites

2006-01-20T10:46:00.000-08:00

There are a group of shites in Iraq, as some shite religious parties won toilet seats in Iraqs parliament

Can you guess why i enjoyed this film?

2006-01-12T08:27:00.000-08:00

The Murphy stripping

I'll Flamin hit ya punks with mi surfboard

2006-01-12T08:09:00.000-08:00

Everyone loves a man who uses obscenities in every sentence. So he are some classic lines by Alf Stewart from Home and Away.

Alf Stewart: One chocolate shake and a Simpson.
Curtis Reed: A What?
Alf Stewart: An OJ!

Alf Stewart: [after arguing with Travis] Go, You left-wing Greenie Yahoo!

Alf Stewart: [depressed after Ailsa's death] I don't care if the flamin' diner sinks to the bottom of the sea

Alf Stewart: [shouting] You couldn't read instructions if they were written a mile high in whiskey bottles, and that's saying something!

Alf Stewart: (to a saxaphone player) Oi! Cut that out immediately!

Alf Stewart: You've been drinking!
Jesse McGregor: Look, mate, it's none of your business.
Alf Stewart: I'll make it my flamin' business if you're gonna go out serving the customers half-sloshed!

Alf Stewart: He's as crooked as a dog's hind leg!

Alf Stewart: If you ever speak to my granddaughter again like the way you did before, I'll be all over you like a cheap suit!
Jesse McGregor: Is that a fact?
Alf Stewart: You'd better flamin' believe it!

I hoped you enjoyed them

This is Berti Vogts, he is Alf's real life brother.

The new He-Man film

2006-01-12T08:08:00.000-08:00

Prince Aadm and Skeletor are cashing in on the popularity of the gay cowboy movie 'brokeback mountain'.

I'd love to see Skeletors gigantic boner.

Orko was also on the mountain and wanted to join in the gay activities, but he is a strange ghost character, so probably doesn't have a johnson.

2006-01-06T12:08:00.000-08:00

Ryan Reynolds is hilarious. After watching 81 episodes of 'two guys and a girl' in 3 weeks i'm infected by his wit and charm.

not much posting recently

2006-01-06T12:05:00.000-08:00

I'm having difficulty adding pictures to the posts. so thats why i haven't done any for a while, SO BACK OFF!!!

My Friend is Dead !!!

2005-12-30T03:19:00.000-08:00

I have some sad news to give the world of blogging. The writer of UPTOTHETEST is dead, he hasn't been heard of for over a week so i presume the worst.

RIP Liam.

If you have any memories of Liam that you would like to share with the world, please feel free to leave them in the comments section.

See you in heaven buddy

Brian Deane the Celebrity !!!!

2005-12-24T04:41:00.000-08:00

Brian Deane is to star in the new Space Jam film. After his retirement from football, Warner Brothers thought he was the perfect choice to star alongside Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck. It is also rumoured that Tony Yeboah and Rod Wallace could make cameo appearances.

Sheryl crow

2005-12-24T04:36:00.000-08:00

Did you know - Sheryl crow has minging boobs

gays and disabled people

2005-12-24T04:31:00.001-08:00

I think gay retards should be allowed to marry, but normal gays shouldn't.

This is because retards wouldn't want to bum each other every 5 minutes, they would prefer to build a fort or play with toys (not gay toys).

Mentally disabled people

2005-12-24T04:12:00.000-08:00

I love retards, we used to have one at junior school. Other schools had stick insects and hamsters, but we went one better and had a real life Retard. When school was over for the day the teachers would lock him back up in his cage and feed him carrots and cheese. If you didn't know they love to eat carrots and cheese.

I think they're hilarious cos they are always happy, and if i had the choice i would watch them for hours at a time.

I think that they are the future of comedy, and someone needs to write a sitcom about two retards living in an apartment in new york.

I also think that it wont be too long until there is a retard prime minister, as there is already a retard president in the USA.

Gays

2005-12-24T03:52:00.000-08:00

Gay men are now allowed to marry. Gay men scare me.

Once i had a dream that i was in a gay whore house and i paying a gay bloke not to sleep with me. Then i tried to escape the hell hole but there were people in the alley waiting to beat up the gays who leave the bar alone. So i befriended 2 gays and asked if they would walk out with me so i wouldn't get beat up. But they wouldn't leave with me.

so what was i to do?

Then in the corner of the male whore house was a beautiful lady, she was one of the oldroyd sisters. I told her my dilemma and she had a plan that she could walk out with me hand in hand and then the gay beaters wouldn't kill me as i would be walking with a beautiful lady.

So i escaped the male whores house and the gay beaters.

You see gay men scare me so much that i have nightmares about them, only this time it was a happy ending.

The panda at 'liams thoughts' also hates gays, i'm starting to like him now

guess the rear results

2005-12-11T08:04:00.000-08:00

it was Brittany Murphy. No winners this time.

We Salute Richard Pryor

2005-12-11T07:56:00.000-08:00

Richard Pryor has died at the age of 65. He was a comic god, and played a blind guy in the funniest film of all time 'see no evil, hear no evil'.

The other day

2005-12-09T11:28:00.000-08:00

The other day i ate some chicken, it was a long time since i had eaten any, and i was lovin it. But i only got half way through it cos i couldn't possibly eat anymore. cos the chicken pecked me in the eye and flew away. As you can see from the picture below i was hurt bad.

I went i went to visit Dr Kennedy and he prescribed that i wear an eye patch for a month, but i might wear it longer as i'm having so much fun. As you can see in the picture below i am having the time of my life. The wig wasn't prescibed, i just choose to wear it for fun.

New Films

2005-12-09T11:27:00.000-08:00

Harold and Kumar go to Amsterdam

Van Wilder 2

Comedy Review

2005-12-09T11:16:00.000-08:00

saw funny men talking on friday

The compere was good

The first funny man was shit

The second funny man was funny

Then i went home

Good ol' Joe Scully

2005-12-04T08:19:00.000-08:00

Shane connor who plays Joe Scully in Neighbours has successfully won AUS$196, 709 (£84,416) in damages after he was unfairly dismissed from the soap.

He was sacked for being aggressive to other cast members and falling asleep on the set.

He told the court that he was only ever agressive to Holly Valance in the bedroom during sexual intercourse and like most beer swigging men he fell asleep after. He blames the whole thing on Holly Valance not waking him up afterwards.

Guess the rear?

2005-12-02T08:45:00.000-08:00

Guess who this is?

you win nothing

crappy web site

2005-12-02T08:33:00.000-08:00

This website is crap, it wont let me add any more pictures to it.

and i have some steph scully (hoyland) topless pics i want to share

MY BIRD

2005-11-27T11:10:00.000-08:00

I'd like to intoduce you all to my girlfriend !!!!

Don't act like your not jealous

Mr Miyagi R.I.P

2005-11-26T10:02:00.000-08:00

Mr Miyagi has died age 73.

On this picture he is using his karate on someone to show his pupils how to smash your hand into someones skull and rip out their brain. He did this on many occasions to show off his skill.

He will be missed.

Gary Glitter

2005-11-22T08:35:00.000-08:00

Hilarious !!!!

...........Nuff Said

Neighbours star in I'm a celebrity

2005-11-22T08:25:00.000-08:00

Neighbours star is in i'm a celebrity. I wont be watching it, but if you see her babylons can someone tell me please and i'll watch it.

Finally, a new fit bird in Neighbours

2005-11-12T08:15:00.000-08:00

Neighbours has been lacking in new talent recently. But there is a promising new talent introduced recently, she is not quite legal yet, but she definately has a lot of future potential.

She plays Rachel Kinskey who is a girl who has been home schooled all her life and has never even watched tv before. Her father is also dating Mrs Kennedy(sorry, i mean Miss Smith).

I hope to see a lot more of this actress next year, hopefully on the cover of Maxim magazine.

Another fit bird in neighbours is Janae Timmons, pictured below. I estimate that she still has a lot of future potential, and she will definately be in Hollywood in 5 years. I will be meeting Dr Karl Kennedy for a chat in a couple of weeks and ask him who he prefers out of the two actresses above.

Check it out !!!!!

Congratulations Rodney!

2005-11-12T08:00:00.000-08:00

Former Leeds United footballer Rod Wallace won the contest, with the correct answer of Rodney Dangerfield.

He has kindly donated the banana to the Monkey Sanctuary Trust.

We will be trying to get an interview with Rodders in the future to ask him about his love for Monkeys.

Question Time

2005-11-10T11:19:00.000-08:00

On the year anniversary of this celebrity's death, The word RESPECT was emblazoned 2000 feet tall and three miles long across the Hollywood skyline.

But which celebrity was this in memory of ??????

First person to give the answer will win a banana.

p.s The winner of the Joe Mangel contest, i just want to say that your apple is in the post!

Happy Birthday!!!!!

2005-11-10T11:05:00.000-08:00

Everyone here at 'Weird is Wonderful' would like to say Happy Birthday to Miss Brittany Murphy, as she turns 28 years of age.

Happy Birthday Love !!!!

Where are they now ?????

2005-11-07T08:28:00.000-08:00

Where are the twins from fun house nowadays? Mel and Martina were fantastic at mathematics when they would add the score for each team after every round.

If anyone knows if they have made any porno, please let me know.

Very Important Breaking News !!!!!!!!!!!!!

2005-11-07T08:23:00.000-08:00

Brittany Murphy is still fit

Can you smell what the Rocks got cookin'?

2005-11-07T08:06:00.000-08:00

The Rock is to have in own television chef show called 'can you smell what the Rocks got cookin?'

The show will also star Ainsley Harriot from 'Ready Steady Cook' fame. They each make a meal from ingrediants supplied by the audience and then one audience member chooses which food is the best. If the audience member doesn't choose the Rocks dish, then the Rock beats the shit out of them in the wresting ring.

Sarah Michelle Gellars boobies

2005-11-07T07:56:00.000-08:00

Sarah Michelle Gellar (left) is getting her babylons out in her new film where she plays a Porn star who is dating The Rock.

As you can imagine i am very happy.

Someone is sending me nude photos!!!

2005-10-23T11:27:00.000-07:00

Someone posted an envelope through my door, and enclosed was this photo. The person on the photo looks very similar to the guy who won the apple in the 'guess who' competition.

The Winner!!!!!!!!!!!

2005-10-21T07:59:00.000-07:00

A guy named Paul Oldroyd won the 'guess who' competition, and he wins an apple (not Chris Martins daughter) .

The correct answer was Mark Little who plays Joe Mangel in Neighbours.

Paul was kind enough to send a picture of himself for the web page, as he was estatic when he found out that he had won an apple.

My Log

2005-10-18T11:40:00.000-07:00

Looking back at my posts i might rename my log to 'Neighboursisgreat'

I would appreciate some feedback to let me know what you think.

G'day

Guess the Celebrity!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2005-10-18T11:30:00.000-07:00

The first person to guess the cult actor below wins an apple.

MISSING PERSONS!!!!!!

2005-10-18T11:24:00.000-07:00

Joe Skully didn't come back to ramsay street for the 20th anniversary special.

He is STILL fighting a forrest fire on his brothers ranch.

My Log

2005-10-17T08:09:00.000-07:00

As you can probably guess, i am becoming bored with my log already.

Neighbours

2005-10-17T08:07:00.000-07:00

Neighbours is class, loads of old characters are coming back into it.

Bye

Dog

2005-10-11T11:23:00.000-07:00

Today I saw a dog shit in the road.

This picture isn't of the moment i witnessed, but it amused me.

Les accepted my Demands

2005-10-05T06:49:00.000-07:00

Les (or should i say Liam) has accepted my demands and added me as a link. So i wont be writing anymore embarrasing stories about him at the moment. He did have one condition that i call him Liam instead of Les, which i agreed to.

So me and Liam are united and ready to take on the rest of the blogging world.

Message for Liams dad - We are not gay.